Off to the woods

$3,436.50. That is what all my worldly belongings are worth. It feels a lot lighter to have it all in my pocket than lying around my house as chairs and table lamps. I like it better this way.

Of course, that is misleading. I kept my car, a laptop and the furniture at the cabin. Plus a ton of groceries. I wonder how long it will be before the canned peaches run out. I find it unlikely I’ll be able to grow a peach tree out there, and I’m sure I’ll miss them when I’m gone.

But I do have seeds for just about everything else: tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, onions, watermelon, grains, herbs and on and on. I also bought a little grape vine, olive tree and apple tree. I don’t feel like messing with feed for animals, so I guess I’ll be a vegetarian when the canned stuff runs out. I’ve never much liked the idea of having animals killed for my dinner, anyways. And if I change my mind, I can go fishing.

It’ll be a couple days and a few more trips to the cabin before I’m ready to completely drop off the map. Hopefully I can get it all done before the weather gets nasty again. I’m a little scared about being alone all that time. But once I deposit today’s earnings, I’ll have more than $25,000 in the bank. So I can keep the Internet running until The Time comes.

A couple people have e-mailed and urged me to reconsider my flight to the woods. It's important to note that I'm not running from the Sliver Woman. I just feel like I've been asked to be some sort of narrator, and I need to be removed from the story to properly fill that role. 

On an unrelated note, this is a great website for exploring the world of dream. There are several people there who have had similar experiences. I thing they manifest differently to different people, but they are the same characters. And the same vague prophecy.

The Black Dog

OK. There’s more to my two-year absence. I didn’t just get distracted.

I got shitfaced drunk.

Arguably, the main reason I never followed through with this blog was because I started drinking again, like I did before. Like after she left.

I distracted myself with work, an eight-hour shift just long enough for the wine/vodka/shooters to wear off. Then I went to the store and bought alchohol. Then I went home and drank it. Two years went by.

It caught up with me, the Black Dog.

Sometimes I would go to the park, sit in my car and nurse a thermometer of rum. I watched them in the summer of their lives, the human race. Joggers, plugging through life. Children, twirling in their innocence. Friends sharing a park bench. The druggies and perverts too. I rarely drove off before crying. Jesus, I loved them.

Sometimes I went to the Pub and talked to strangers. The small talk was always enjoyable, but by the end I know I freaked them out. I talk too much when I drink, when I have someone to talk to. I drink too much when I’m alone.

Maybe that’s why I need you. Maybe, in this sober sunshine, I can realize that the dreams are my subconscious trying to tell me something. Maybe it was meant only for me.

But that wouldn’t explain the others. So many I would talk to at the bar, they would loosen up after a few rounds. We would talk about dreams. Sure, there were differences.

But basically, the dreams were all the same.

Further reading

Still planning the move. More on that later when I have the time. 

A few things of interest I've come across in recent days:

1. This website possibly refutes a paradox that prevents time travel.

2. This website renders an artful, never-ending rendition of dream. It's quite beautiful what can be done with computer code.

3. This website speaks of our collective consciousness, of stories and dream and our genetic code. It's very well researched, and is fascinating for those with a classical bent.

4. Here is the blog of JM Debord, who I think might know something.

Anything I missed? Pass along anything you think it interesting or meaningful. I hope to post lists like this more often.